How to Fight Ennui

I’m halfway through a four week opportunity filling in for my manager, which has made me responsible for 50-odd developers, testers and managers. Ever the over-achiever I’ve worked hard so far to jump onto that 12km/h treadmill and not fall off. I’m still upright, and juggling… oh, yeah, I forgot to mention, there is simultaneous juggling involved.

Managing a group is very similar to managing a team. Only more so.

Most of the past two weeks has consisted of bridging communication gaps, gathering information for various people, and preparing reports and information. The higher up the hierarchy, the more the job consists of employing good communications skills and an even temperament.

There is something slightly exhausting about it for a natural introvert.

But at the same time I seem to be quite good at it. I take a lot of satisfaction from every situation I manage to improve; a fraction here, a percentage there. There is something exhilarating about seeing the results.

With the effort going into the job right now, I have been frantic to get the most out of the weekends. I feel there is so much I need to try and get done. More than could ever fit into the available space-time. I’m finding it hard to pick what to do. Nothing seems quite enough and everything seems too much.

Today has been one big pile of ennui.

But maybe that’s because I’m just trying too hard to do things that do not match my needs. Maybe my introvert needs the weekend to be less consequential than I am trying to make it. Maybe I should just allow myself to stare into space, or read a book, or watch some mindless television so my brain can explore the inside of my head.

And on the off-chance that it is simply the fact I haven’t been to the gym in two weeks, I’ll make my Sunday Yoga a priority for tomorrow, and try to fit a few classes between my new temporary obligations during the coming week.