97 – 100 Essential Skills for Geeks
I clearly am not ready to be a fully realised geek at this stage.
This came as a little bit of a surprise to me.
I mean, I don’t do too badly; I know how to secure a router, wire my own home, and I can assemble a computer from component-parts when needed, and code any piece of its OS from scratch if I had to. I don’t do too badly at all… but then I found the list and started wondering.
14. Swap out the battery on your iPod/iPhone.
I feel dirty even thinking about getting an i-anything for myself. I strongly suspect that merely touching one would burn my skin like holy water. Surely this cannot be essential to the Geek-Experience-tm?
18. Troubleshoot any computer/gadget problem, over the phone.
NOBODY can do this.
If they say they can… they are lying.
Have you ever endured the agony of trying to tell friends or family where to click?!
On a screen you cannot see?
Sometimes it’s even impossible to attain lift-off…
“Ok, start your browser…”
“What is my browser?”
“Internet Explorer… start that”
“How do I do that?”
“You double-click the icon!”
“What’s a double-click?”
“Haven’t you ever browsed the internet?”
“Oh… you want me to start the internet? Why didn’t you say so?”
*facepalm / groan*
Don’t you dare tell me something like that has never happened to you. Don’t tell me you can troubleshoot anything. It’s… Not… Possible…
31. Know at least 10 software easter eggs off the top of your head.
56. Fix anything with duct tape, chewing gum and wire.
I am not yet MacGyver. It’s odd, but as much as he is portrayed as a geek, I had never actually considered him one. He’s more of an aspirational target for geeks in my mind.
But now that I know this is on the list, I feel I should rise to the challenge.
I Too Can Be McGyver!
70. Be able to calculate tip and split the check, all in your head.
88. Be able to recite at least one Geek Movie word for word.
I don’t have that good a memory. Are there any 5-minute Geek movies I could memorise to attain this merit badge?
Also, do silent movies count?
Also, do I have to recite the Elvish, or just the English sub-titles?
Also, if-so, does it have to be fluent?
Also, yeah… I’m pretty sure I’m a geek regardless of what this list has to say.
92. Stop talking Star Wars long enough to get laid.
Yeah… but isn’t it even more cool if that’s not required?
96. Have a documented plan on what to do during a zombie or robot uprising.
*hangs head in shame*
100. Get something on the front page of Digg.
One day I shall write a post that ticks this box.
But alas, not today.